you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
