Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
