I'm gonna have a badass scar
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
