6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
