We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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