my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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