I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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