She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
