Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
