I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
