college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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