he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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