i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
