I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
