have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
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