Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I need a beard to bite.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
