News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
