my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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