Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He kissed a someone with a penis
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
