She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
