I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
