Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
