Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
