Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Randomize
