Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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