She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
