im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
