I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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