I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
