you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Oh god it's open bar.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
