How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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