WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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