i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
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