No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
