Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
