I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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