why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
