He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
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