every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
