Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
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