I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
