My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
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