come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
