at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
