my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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