There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
a search helicopter?!
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
