Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
