I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
