your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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