we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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