I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
